Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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