dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
