My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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