In America we eat man semen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize