i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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