Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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