Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
