What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
