Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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