Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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