theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize