Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This baby is an asshole
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
