Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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