I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
