I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
