Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
