your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
