I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is wine microwaveable?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
