I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
