Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
