I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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