Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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