I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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