It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
