So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
