So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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