Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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