Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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