I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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