Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
