so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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