you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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