i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
