as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
