I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
