She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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