She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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