I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
