I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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