I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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