Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
