Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
