The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
