I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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