got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
