you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
