i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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