my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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