and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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