ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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