If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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