I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
