That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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