Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
