So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
