Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
