Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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