is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
