I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
