i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
