Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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