he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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