I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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