so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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