I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
