Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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