I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
