I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
