I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
