I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
