Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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