Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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