we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
