Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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