There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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