well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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