i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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