On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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