and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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