i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
