Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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