i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
