I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
