He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
