My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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