dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
