I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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