already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
