One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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